Monday, March 5, 2012

6 Mos Later/ Memories

Well..... today marks 6 mos I have been without you.  Where has the time gone?  It just seems like yesterday you were here with me.  Now you are gone.  My life isn't the same without you.  Bailey still misses you.  She wanders around here looking for you and barely playing with her toys.  She hardly eats.  I think we are still both grieving for you.  You left such a hole in my heart.  Bailey fills a lot of it but you took a lot with you.  I go to and chat in the chat room almost every night.  There are some great people there.  I was able to tell them all about you.  How beautiful you were and how silly you could be at times.  Then the horrible morning of September 5th, 2011.  It still plays over and over in my head.  Could I have done something different?   Would you have survived the surgery they wanted to perform on you?  Did I do the right thing to let you go?  Should I have been more selfish and put you through that horrible surgery?  I don't think so.  I think I did the right thing to help you to The Bridge.  I am sure that was the kindest thing I could do.  I should be getting your new urn on Thursday.  I can't wait to see it.  That will mean I have to open your tin urn again.  I am afraid to.  I don't want to see the ashes again.  I don't want to think about that being you.  In my heart I know that isn't you.  You are with me always.  Just not in a body.  Those ashes aren't you.  Just the remains of a shell.

Well my sweet love.... I must go to bed and think about you and talk to you like I do every night.  You are missed and so loved!

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