The Silver Harness by Andre DeMerchant

Tookla's magnificent head came up with a start. What was that? Another sound? Ears forward, Tookla's ice-blue eyes stared out from the doorway of his plywood doghouse.

Getting up slowly he stretched luxuriously and moved carefully from the warmth of his hay filled house into the bitter chill of his fenced outdoor run. Standing still, Tookla alertly scanned the February afternoon landscape outside his run. Nothing.

How many times now had he expectantly searched the surrounding area only to be disappointed? Walking to the end of his run, Tookla sat slowly down and heaved a great sigh. Sparkles of frost chased by shivery wintry blasts twirled through the air and landed on his thick warm coat.

Half closing his eyes, Tookla began to think back to the old days, the good days. "It wasn't always like this," he thought to himself. "I used to go with my master and the team always. But no more. Not for a long time. My own son now has my place at the front of the team. Faster than me now. Much faster. Like I was faster than my father, Sabu. But I wasn't always faster than my father. I had to grow, to work so hard! Running back in the team with the others. Not for me. I didn't like that. Only after Sabu and my master taught me the words could I go in front. Then we were so fast! Soon I was even faster than father! Often I was at the front. I remember running through all those pine trees with the others, faster than ever! We flew down the trail.

When it was over he was so happy with us. So many people came to see us and pet us and give us treats. Always after that I was at the front. So many times we went out and so many times we ran faster than others. But no more now. My legs are stiff and I can no longer run as far as before. Oh, I have not run for so long! Now my son leads the others. As it was for my father, it is for me also and shall one day be for my son."

Opening his eyes Tookla had another look around the yard. Seeing nothing he rose slowly to his feet, turned and walked swiftly toward his dog house. A sudden noise behind Tookla caused him to whirl quickly around. His eyes grew wide with fright as he took an involuntary step backward.

"Who's there?" challenged Tookla.

"It is I. Sabu." came the reply.

"Sabu? But..no! It can't be! You've been gone for so long now. I remember you were very old. Then one day you went away and never came back. How can it be you are here now?"

"I have come back to see you Tookla."

"But why?"

"To tell you of a place. A wonderful place. The sun shines always. We never want for food or water. And run! Oh, Tookla! We can run forever on grassy fields, through thick woods. Many little animals are there also. We chase them often but never are they caught. It is all for fun. All the others are there also. Your mother, Sheena. Your sister, Koola, who has gone before you. We run together always. It is such a marvelous place!"

"No!" growled Tookla, suddenly wary. "It is a trick! You are not Sabu!"

"No Tookla. It is no trick. Come, let us butt noses. You will see that I am your father. You will see that what I tell you is true."

Slowly, gingerly, almost on tiptoe, Tookla moved towards the muzzle poking though the chain link. Sniffing carefully, Tookla stretched his neck until the noses just touched. Quickly he jumped back, eyes wide.

"It is you!" he exclaimed in amazement.

"It is as I have said, my son."

"But what is that upon your back, Father?"

Sabu turned to afford Tooka a better view.

"It is my silver harness."

"It is beautiful! Oh, that I could wear such a harness! How the light dances upon the silver straps!"

"We all have one to wear, Tookla. It is especially for the Run of the Lights."

"What is the Run of the Lights, Father?"

"It is when we all run together, each of us wearing a silver harness. We run when it is dark, faster and faster we go till we take off! We race into the sky, past the stars and the moon itself. The light from the stars shines and twinkles upon our silver harnesses sending flashes and streams of light all over the sky!"

Gazing longingly up at the gathering February twilight, Tookla could only manage, "Oh that would be so grand!"

"Now, Tookla, it is time for me to tell you the reason for my visit."

"What is it, Father?"

"It is your time, Tookla. It is time for you to take your place beside us. I have come to lead you to the wonderful place."

"But..." Tookla stammered. "I'm not ready! I mean, I haven't seen my master come back with the team! I haven't had my walk..."

"Come, Tookla. It is time."

"But I can't. I can't leave my run. I'm locked in."

Backing up a few paces, Sabu turned to face Tookla.

"Walk towards me, my son," he said softly.

Cautiously Tookla walked forward. When he reached the fence he stopped and whined.

"I can't! I can't get out!"

"Come, Tookla," replied the voice with great warmth. "You can do it. Just keep walking."

Tookla picked up a front paw and moved it slowly forward. It went through! It went through the fence! Now thoroughly excited, Tookla shut his eyes and walked gingerly ahead. After a few paces he stopped and, turning around, opened his eyes.

"I'm out! I did it!" His eyes danced with joy as he quickly surveyed the yard, now lying deep in evening shadows.

"Come, Tookla. We must go," reminded Sabu, who, without further word, turned and started running towards an open field. Tookla was soon in step beside him as they streaked across the ground.

"Now Tookla!" panted Sabu. "Run! Run as fast as you can!" Ears flat against his head, tail straight out, Tookla put all his heart into his running. Suddenly they took off, rocketing up into the night sky.

"Look! Look at me run, Sabu! No longer are my legs stiff! No longer do I grow quickly tired! I'm young again!" shouted Tookla, tongue lolling, eyes shining with excitment.

Sabu laughed. "Yes, you are very fast my son. And you look very good in your silver harness."

Glancing back, Tookla exclaimed, "The harness! I too have a silver harness!" And with a heart bursting with happiness, Tookla kept pace beside his father. Starlight glittered and moonlight flashed off the silver webbing and across the darkening sky as the two Sibes soared up towards the wonderful place.

Hal was lost in thought as the truck bumped and lurched up the laneway and into the darkened yard. Shutting off the engine, Hal heaved himself out of the truck then suddenly pulled up short.

"It's real quiet around here tonight," he thought to himself as he peered into the gloom of the yard. "Too darn quiet!" Walking swiftly to the kennel building he flipped on all the lights and started to check all the runs.

"What's going on guys?" said Hal as he moved among the pens. A couple of Sibes rose from the floor and waved their tails apologetically. At the other end of the building one of them whined softly. As if suddenly struck with a thought, Hal pivoted on his heel, and banging through the door, sprinted across the yard towards Tookla's single run by the house.

"Tookla! Tookla, we're home! Tookla? Hal spoke loudly as he reached the run door. The familiar form of Hal's old lead dog was not in its usual place at the end of the run. Tendrils of apprehension gripped Hal's heart as his shaking hands fumbled with the lock. "Tookla! Where are you? Tookla, come see me!" Hal said urgently as he swung the gate wide. Dropping to his knees in front of the dog house, Hal hesitated, dreading what he would find. Reaching inside, Hal buried his hand in the fur of an inert form and gave it a shake.

"Tookla. Tookla it's me." he said softly.

Oh no. Oh Tookla!" exclaimed Hal as the reality of the situation struck.

Pulling Tookla onto his lap, Hal sat down on the cold cement and caressed the lifeless form.

"Oh, Tookla. My poor, poor Tookla. Good-bye, old friend," muttered Hal as tears coursed down his cheeks, falling and freezing on the furry figure below.

Feeling suddenly very weary, Hal leaned back against the chain link as a February wind blustered around him. Leaning his head back, Hal turned his red-rimmed eyes toward the night sky and sat for a long time, both enthralled and comforted by the brilliant beauty of the dancing Northern Lights.

Wear your Silver Harness with pride Montana!

Montana's Movie

This is a little video I put together in the middle of the night. One of my many sleepless nights.

I Thought of You Like Always

I thought of you today, Montana. It isn't anything new. I think about you every day. I miss the softness of your fur. The way it felt under my hands. When I would hug you I would put my face in your fur and inhale deeply. I wanted to smell your fur. You smelled so good. Never had that doggy smell. You have been in my dreams a lot lately. It seems whenever I close my eyes I see you. I don't want to forget anything about you. My boy. You and Bailey were/are my life. You were the two good things I had in my life. We were together 24/7 when we lived in MI and NC. Then we moved to VA and I had to get a job. I hated leaving you two 9 hrs a day. I couldn't wait to get home to you both. When I would get to the drive way I got so excited. I loved the way you both would greet me. You usually would be in the bedroom laying on your bed but when I opened the door you would be running to see me. As the arthritis got worse you would slow down but always got up to greet me. I miss the times you would take your paw and paw at my knee to get my attention. You always wanted attention on your terms. As you got older it seemed you were more affectionate. When we first got you you would never wag your tail. I never thought anything of it until the day you did. I remember giving you the biggest hug and tears were running down my face. I told you that you were such a good boy and that I loved you so much! I just miss your presence. Always knowing you were there. The house seems so empty. I left your bed where it was until I put it under Bailey's last month. I wanted to keep everything the same. I didn't want to change anything. It would mean that you weren't with me any more. But you aren't with me physically. Only in my heart and dreams. I miss you so much my baby boy!

The last picture of us together. August 7, 2011.

Dealing With The Guilt and Boy Do I Feel Guilt!

Dealing with the Guilt.

Guilt. It's a word that can invoke in us the deepest, most terrible feelings of loss, horror, anger, and helplessness. Why did I do what I did? Why couldn't I have done more? Did I kill my beloved pet? Did I not do enough? Did I do too much? Did I put him/her down too soon? Did I wait too long? If only I had closed the gate. If only I had noticed sooner. If only I had waited longer. If only I had more money. If only I had rushed to the vet sooner. If only I had known more at the time. If only I had listened to my gut feelings. If only I had gone to a better vet.

And we beat ourselves up for all these questions and "if-onlys". Why do we do this? Because we loved our pets. Because we wish we could have done more, or wish we had not done what we did.

But we cannot bring them back. We cannot change what we did or did not do.

What we can do is stop hurting ourselves over the guilt. Each of us, in our own way, did what we thought was right at the time, using what we knew and felt. Each of us tried to do the best we could, and did it with the intention of love.

We are human beings, with frailties and faults. We don't know everything. We make mistakes. But we make them with the best of intentions.

To hurt ourselves with the terrible additional pain of guilt is to do disservice to the love we felt for our pets. With very, very few exceptions, we did the best we knew to do at the time. Even if we feel that we didn't do what we should have, or did what we should not have, we have learned, and everyone will benefit from that knowledge now.

Our beloved pets are gone, and out of pain. We still torture ourselves with the pain of guilt and doubt. It's human to do that, too, but are we being fair to ourselves?

We loved, deeply, and that says that we have a deep capacity for love that many do not. We are basically good people. Should we not recognize that goodness, instead of inflicting pain on ourselves for what we could, or should, or should not have done?

We took in a beloved creature, and gave him or her everything we could. We petted, we walked, we fed, we changed litterboxes, we played, we stroked, we sat sleepless on difficult nights. We cared, and did everything we knew to do at the time. And we looked in their eyes, and knew they understood that we loved them, and knew that they loved us.

If we didn't know enough, or made an innocent mistake, do we believe that they did not understand, and love and forgive us in spite of it? I believe they did, and that they do.

We need to forgive ourselves. If we can, we can increase our knowledge, reach out to help others, and use our pain to make things better for our pets, for others' pets, and for those animals out there who are alone and lost. We can make a difference. But only if we quit hating ourselves, blaming ourselves, for being human.

Let the guilt go. Know that your furbabies don't blame you; they understand, because they know your heart. Let yourself forgive yourself, and allow all the love you have to be there for another. There are so many who need it.

Learn, and then teach. Keep learning, and don't stop. Every pebble of knowledge and caring you send out will ripple throughout the world, and keep growing. And perhaps in time, every animal will be loved, and well-cared for, and there will be a great golden age for the animals, and for those of us who love them.


Ginger-lyn Summer
September 10, 1999

Grieving the Loss of a Pet

GRIEVING THE LOSS OF A PET

Grief is the normal response to any important loss in life. It occurs regardless of whether death followed a prolonged illness, or a sudden accident. Grieving people experience both physical and emotional traumas as they try to adapt to the upheaval in their lives brought about by the loss.

Psychologists have long recognized that the grief suffered by pet owners after their pet dies is the same as that experienced after the death of a person. The death of a pet means the loss of a non-judgmental love source. There is no longer anything for the pet owner to nurture and care for. Furthermore, the owner looses his or her contact with "the natural world." These feelings can be particularly intense for the elderly, single people and childless couples,( for whom the pet also is a child substitute).


THE STAGES OF GRIEF

In truth, the process of grief is not a cut and dried process that can be subdivided into strict categories. Rather, the grief process is a continuum, with each person experiencing it in a different way. Dividing the grief process in to "stages" helps the grief stricken person to understand that their experiences and emotions are normal. Some people will quickly progress through all the phases, while others appear to get "stuck" in a particular phase. Briefly, the stages of grief are as follows:

1. SHOCK AND DENIAL- The reality of death has not yet been accepted by the bereaved. He or she feels stunned and bewildered-as if everything is "unreal."

2.ANGER- The grief stricken person often lashes out at family, friends, themselves, God, the Veterinarian or the world in general. Bereaved people will also experience feelings of guilt or fear during this stage.

3. BARGAINING- In this stage, the bereaved asks for a deal or reward from either God, the Veterinarian or the Clergy. Comments like "I'll go to Church every day, if only my pet will come back to me" are common.

4. DEPRESSION- Depression occurs as a reaction to the changed way of life created by the loss. The bereaved person feels intensely sad, hopeless, drained and helpless. The pet is missed and thought about constantly.

5. ACCEPTANCE- Acceptance comes when the changes brought upon the person by the loss are stabilized into a new lifestyle. The depth and intensity of the mourning process depends on many factors. The age of the owner, circumstances surrounding the death, relationship of the animal to the owner and to other family members, are all significant. Recently experiencing the death of a significant person in the owner's life can also affect how the pet's death is handled. Usually, children recover more quickly, while the elderly take the longest. Sometimes, the death of a pet will finally enable the bereaved to mourn the loss of a person, whose death had not yet been accepted.


DO PETS GRIEVE?

What many people find hard to believe is that animals can form very firm attachments with each other. Even pets that outwardly seem to barely get along will exhibit intense stress reactions when separated. In fact, grieving pets can show many symptoms identical to those experienced by the bereaved pet owner. The surviving pet(s) may become restless, anxious and depressed. There may also be much sighing, along with sleep and eating disturbances. Often, grieving pets will search for their dead companions and crave more attention from their owners.

How can an owner help the grieving pet?
By following the following recommendations:
1. Keep the surviving pet(s) routines as normal as possible.

2. Try not to unintentionally reinforce the behavior changes.
- if the pet's appetite is picky, don't keep changing the food. All that does is create a more finicky pet.
- don't overdo the attention given to the pet(s) as it can lead to separation anxiety.

3. Allow the surviving animals to work out the new dominance hierarchy themselves.
- there may be scuffles and fights as the animals work out the new pecking order (dogs mostly)

4. Don't get a new pet to help the grieving pet(s) unless the owner is ready.
- will backfire unless the owner is emotionally ready for a new pet.
- people still grieving won't have the energy for it.

Should the owner let the surviving animals see and smell their dead companion?
There is no evidence that doing so will help the surviving pet(s), but some people claim that it does.
Usually, all it accomplishes is to make the owner feel better. Therefore, if the owner wants to have the surviving pets "say good-bye," then it should be allowed.


HEALING

Given time, healing will occur for the bereaved owner.
However, there are several things that the grief-stricken owner can do to help speed up the healing process:

1. Give yourself permission to grieve.
- only YOU know what your pet meant to you.

2. Memorialize your pet.
- makes the loss real and helps with closure.
- allows the bereaved to express their feelings, pay tribute and reflect.
- draws in social support.

3. Get lots of rest, good nutrition and exercise.

4. Surround yourself with people who understand your loss.
- let others care for you.
- take advantage of support groups for bereaved pet owners.

5. Learn all you can about the grief process. - helps owners realize that what they are experiencing is normal.

6. Accept the feelings that come with grief.
- talk, write, sing, or draw.

7. Indulge yourself in small pleasures.

8. Be patient with yourself.
-DON'T let society dictate how long mourning should last.

9. Give yourself permission to backslide.
- it WILL end and your life WILL be normal again.
- grief is like waves in the ocean: at first the waves come in fast and hard, but as time goes on, the waves become less intense and further apart.
- don't be surprised if holidays, smells, sounds, or words trigger a relapse.

10. Don't be afraid to get help.
- pet loss support groups
- grief counselors.

11. Be sure to consult your own "Higher Power."
- either religious or spiritual.


CONCLUSION

Grief is probably the most confusing, frustrating and emotional thing that a person can experience. It is even more so for pet owners. Society in general does not give bereaved pet owners "permission" to grieve openly. Consequently, pet owners often feel isolated and alone. Luckily, more and more resources are becoming available to help the bereaved pet owner realize that they are NOT alone and that what they are feeling is entirely normal.

Urn and Poems

When Montana first died I was online looking at urns. I didn't know what he would be coming home in. I happened to find one that I really liked but at this time I can't afford it. Some day! Here is a picture of it.

On the urn it gives you the options of different poems. Of course I am going to use the Rainbow Bridge poem. I am also going to put his name and dates on it. The problem I am having is that I don't know when he was born. When we rescued Montana we were told the vet gave him a birthday of Jan. 1, 2002. So we don't know if he was born in 2001 or 2002. Making him 9 1/2 to 10 1/2 when he passed away. So do I put 2001/02 - September 5, 2011? I suppose I could. He is in a White tin box with black and gray paw prints on it. I have opened it once and can't bring myself to open it again. There was a little card in there from the crematorium telling me that he was privately cremated. Therefore, there wouldn't be any confusion on whose ashes I received. It had his name on the card too. I also looked at the bag that contained his ashes. I couldn't believe a 100 lb dog could be in that size bag. I put it all away and set him on a table with a picture, his stuffed lion and his footprint.

I have come across many poems written about pet loss. I am sure the most popular one is the Rainbow Bridge poem. Of course I have to post it. When I read it it brings me tears of not only sadness but happiness too.

The Rainbow Bridge


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals that had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together


For northern breeds like Siberian Huskies and Alaskan Malamutes there is another poem called North of Rainbow Bridge.

North of The Rainbow Bridge

by MakWa4me

The time comes. A Siberian Husky lifts up its head. There is an untested adventure beyond. Time to go.

Across the Rainbow Bridge is a place for all dogs. A river runs wide and shallow with tennis balls that fly with their own wings; that is the place for a Labrador or Golden to await its master's arrival.

The Siberian is not content here. Northward is its trail....

There are soft pastures for Aussies and Border Collies, with sheep and geese to pen. Agility equipment grows like trees amid Frisbees and flyball.

But the North continues its sure wild call, and the Siberian's journey continues....

Now the air is colder. Now the moon is always full. Now the light is silver and it breaks and shimmers on fields of bright snow. Now there are no roads, no walls, no pens, just endless space to run. This is where Siberians gather, North of the Rainbow Bridge.

They wait in this beautiful place, happy, but not complete. Suddenly, a howl begins, as one dog senses someone coming, someone very special. All the Siberians raise their heads and join in the ancient chorus. They dance like moonbeams and sing like winter winds.

There are red ones like dawn streaks, black ones splattered with many colors and silver ones like the first strange hour before light. They line up as if in harness and run together, in a scintillating, many-colored streak. The leader of the team guides the others past the fields and river, with racing feet and racing heart. They rush to greet the new arrival at the Rainbow Bridge, where the leader is rejoined with its beloved person, never to be parted again.

The glory of the reunion is celebrated by all the Siberians dwelling beyond the Bridge, a glimmering, multicolored team leaping and whirling with joy. The light from that scene is what we see on magical evenings in the northernmost parts of this Earth: The Aurora Borealis, the Northern Lights beyond the Rainbow Bridge.

The Last Battle


If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this--the last battle--can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let grief then stay your hand.
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears
You'd not want me to suffer, so.
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do?
We've been so close--we two--these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.


One more that was posted on my facebook page the day Montana died.


I Stood By Your Bed Last Night

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying. You found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at ...breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today. Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew.
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning and say
"Good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to be with me.

~Author Unknown

Oh Montana! How I grieve for you. I feel so lost without you.

A New Year Without You - Happy Birthday Montana

Happy Birthday my sweet boy! A new year is here and you are not. My heart is breaking as I think of you. You were my sweet boy. You helped me through my divorce from your Daddy. You were my everything. These past couple days have been hard as I think about how crappy 2011 was. My biggest loss this year was you, Montana. Yes, I got divorced and yes, I lost my job, but nothing compares to the loss of you. These past few nights I have prayed to God to let you come to me in my dreams. I can't tell if you did since I don't remember any dreams I had. I cry every night for you. I just long to touch you again. To stroke your soft fur and to hug you. I loved it when I would hug you and bury my face in your fur. You always smelled so good. There are just so many things I miss about you. I miss our walks and our quiet times together. I miss you laying at my feet while I was on the computer. I miss you pawing my knee to get my attention. Did I give you enough attention? Did I spend enough time with you? I don't think any amount of time was enough with you. I am glad I laid on the floor with you the last couple weeks you were here. I knew you didn't feel well and I wanted you to know how much I loved you and I was there for you. I know some day we will be reunited and I just can't wait for that day. There will never be another Montana. You were definitely one of a kind. So Happy Birthday in Heaven my sweet boy!