Tuesday, December 27, 2011

3:00 am

It is 3:00am and I should be asleep. I have been tossing and turning for hours. My mind always racing. I automatically think of you, Montana. It was always about this time of night that you would bark your high pitched bark telling me that you wanted outside. I would drag myself out of bed and bring you outside. No matter what the weather was like. You got to the point where you wouldn't potty unless we walked around the yard until you found a place you liked. Believe me it was no fun during the winter, but I did it because I loved you. I still cry every day. I am flooded with memories of you. The first day you were with me to the last day you were here on Earth. Lately I seem to ask myself over and over again if I did the right thing. Was it the right thing to help you to The Bridge? Would the surgery have saved your life? I didn't want to put you through such an invasive surgery at your age, especially when they couldn't guarantee you would have survived it. Bailey misses you. She seems to like to lay next to the table where your little memorial is. She never laid there before. She still wanders room to room looking for something. She must be looking for you.
I finally put your bed under Bailey's so she would have more cushion. It broke my heart thinking that you will never lay on it again. Oh Montana! My heart just aches for you. It has been over 3 mos now and it just seems like yesterday you left me. Will my heart ever heal?

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