Bodie, Your Friend, Died Yesterday

My sweet Montana.  Bodie, one of your Dogster buddies, passed away yesterday.  The vet found a large mass on his lungs.  His mom brought him to the vet because he was having trouble breathing.  He had a 106 degree temp (just like you did) and he was dehydrated.  They did xrays and found the mass.  The vet did all he could but Bodie's lungs collapsed.  They did CPR but could not save him.  He was only 9 yrs old.  I hope you were there along with his sister Kiara to meet him at The Rainbow Bridge.

His poor Mom!  I know she is just heartbroken.  It happened so suddenly.  First Kiara died on September 5, 2009, you died on September 5, 2011 and now Bodie, February 29, 2012.  So many of your friends are going to the Rainbow Bridge.  I hope you are having a wonderful party for all the new comers.  I can see you all playing like true huskies in the snow North of the Bridge.  We can't wait to be reunited with our furbabies.  You all are so precious to us.  Our lives are empty without you in them.  I am grateful that I have Bailey, your sister, and Margie has Sinatra, Bodie's brother.  I hope Sinatra helps Margie through the tough times just like Bailey has helped me. 

I want to do something special for Margie with one of Margie's favorite pictures of Bodie.  I really want to do what she did for me when you died.  I wish I could do more for her.  She really has a good heart and have always been there for me when you died, Montana.  This is the picture she had made for me after you died.

I am so grateful that she thought of me.  Taja Vanilla Moon Graphics made it so she could give it to me.  So thoughtful.  I just love this picture!

It is 3:40am.  I have taken 2 Ambien and it isn't doing anything for me.  With Bodie's death, all the feelings of heartbreak are back.  I feel like I lost you all over again.  I was laying in bed trying to sleep and I cried out your name, Montana.  Oh my sweet boy I am just so lost without you.  I miss the 3am barking to let you outside.  Maybe that is why I usually wake up at that time every night since Sept 5, 2011.  Next Monday, March 5, 2012, you will have been gone 6 mos.  I can't believe it!  Where has the time gone.  It just seems like yesterday I was giving you hugs and kisses.  You would lay down on your side with your paw up in the air wanting me to pet you and hold your paw.  You were a silly boy.  I miss so much abut you.  You use to antagonize Bailey when she would eat her food.  You would stand there and bark at her just to get her to eat quicker so you could then check out her bowl and eat whatever was left in there.  Usually there wasn't anything left and you would move on to your bowl and finish it completely.  That is why I think Bailey is having a hard time eating now.  There isn't anyone rushing her to eat.  Maybe she isn't use to eating whenever she wants to with no pressure.  However she did just eat her dinner 2 days in a row.  It is a miracle.  I didn't even have to put anything on it except Bug Off Garlic.  We have had quite a few claps of thunder tonight.  While Bailey would be hiding in the bathtub you would be glued to my side....panting hard.  I would pet you and sooth you trying to calm you down.  Everything I wasn't suppose to do with a fearful dog.  I just want you to know how much I cared for you and your safety.  I felt better myself holding you in my arms during a storm.  I still haven't up my curtains that you ripped down trying to hide in the corner of the bedroom behind the bed last spring or summer.  It really didn't matter to me.  Your safety is what meant to me.

When the time came for you to go to the Bridge, I hoped and prayed that you weren't afraid.  I was there holding your paw, soothing your face and rubbing your ears.  Telling you over and over that you were such a good boy and that I loved you so much.  I really hoped you understood me.  I wanted you to go peacefully.  When you started struggling it really scared me.  I tried to calm you down by telling you it was ok and that I loved you and continued to rub your face and ears even though you were struggling to get up.  I will never forget that.  You finally laid down with a peaceful look on your face.  I heard your breathing became shallow and the doctor took his stethoscope and told me you were gone.  Oh how I flung myself over you and just sobbed.  I am sure the whole place heard me crying.  I really didn't care.  My sweet boy had gone to The Bridge and I couldn't go with him.  Oh did I want to, but I had to think of my sweet Bailey.  She never got to say goodbye to her brother and I don't know how she would have reacted.  Maybe she still wouldn't be grieving now.  It is a mystery.  I have Montana's fur in little plastic bag.  Eventually I will get a bigger urn and hope to place the fur inside it.  Now that you are gone from this world all my focus is on Bailey.

I have to bring her to the vet on Friday because she has a very large Lipoma on her chest.  It seems to be getting bigger and I just don't want it to become to uncomfortable for her.   Not sure if they would suggest surgery.  She is 10 yrs old now and I know surgery for seniors is risky at times.  We shall see what they say on Friday.  Bailey is an angel and my shadow.  What would I do without her.  I love my pets as if they were my children.  I would do anything for them.

Good night my sweet Montana.  Please come visit me once in awhile.  I really want to feel your presence.  Please come back to my dreams.  I miss you there.

All my love,

Mom!