3:00 am

It is 3:00am and I should be asleep. I have been tossing and turning for hours. My mind always racing. I automatically think of you, Montana. It was always about this time of night that you would bark your high pitched bark telling me that you wanted outside. I would drag myself out of bed and bring you outside. No matter what the weather was like. You got to the point where you wouldn't potty unless we walked around the yard until you found a place you liked. Believe me it was no fun during the winter, but I did it because I loved you. I still cry every day. I am flooded with memories of you. The first day you were with me to the last day you were here on Earth. Lately I seem to ask myself over and over again if I did the right thing. Was it the right thing to help you to The Bridge? Would the surgery have saved your life? I didn't want to put you through such an invasive surgery at your age, especially when they couldn't guarantee you would have survived it. Bailey misses you. She seems to like to lay next to the table where your little memorial is. She never laid there before. She still wanders room to room looking for something. She must be looking for you.

I finally put your bed under Bailey's so she would have more cushion. It broke my heart thinking that you will never lay on it again. Oh Montana! My heart just aches for you. It has been over 3 mos now and it just seems like yesterday you left me. Will my heart ever heal?

Montana 2001/02 - September 5, 2011

Montana came into my life in the beginning of September 2005. I found him on Petfinder.com while I was searching for a companion for my GSD, Bailey. I hadn't thought about getting a Siberian Husky but his picture really captured me.

I knew nothing about Sibes and should have done my research about the breed. No one ever told me anything about them. In fact I didn't know anyone that had a Sibe. The last part of August we went to see Montana at Onyx Husky Rescue in Grand Rapids, MI. The moment I laid eyes on him I was in love. He was the most beautiful dog I had ever seen. I would do anything to be able to adopt him. After they checked our references we were told that they would bring him to our house to check things out. Montana and Bailey got along great. Basically ignoring each other. While Louane (owner of Onyx Husky Rescue) and I were talking, Montana decided he would leave me a present in the house. Yes, a nice big pile of poop. The funny thing is, where ever we moved he had to christen the house with his poop. That would be the only time he would poop in the house.

Louane thought that we would be a great fit for Montana and she left him there with us. I was so happy. Montana was really mine. He brought me many years of happiness. He only broke my heart one time and that is when he died. I am hoping this blog will help me deal with the grief of losing him. I have so many memories of him.